Life, as I Know it

Hello blog, it's been quite a long time since I've written in this page.

For me, time has been my biggest enemy this past year.
Working whilst having to squeeze an hour to brestpump. (Minimizing my guilty feeling of not being there for my baby boy, that's all. Aside all the benefits of breastfeeding thou.)
At home, there will always be this and that to do, cleaning, organizing, cooking, playing with my boy, and of course breastfeeding. Not to forget, there's also my man, my husband, that needs attention.

So, there goes my time.

no more books read.
less new music i knew about.
no more movie date at the cinema.
less tv.
and the list goes on..

but then again, no regrets about it.
Having a family to raise, was every young woman's dream. Having a chance to be pregnant, then giving birth to a beautiful baby boy, was a blessing. Now that I know Allah loves me that much.
Having a wonderful and loving husband was also the dream. He seldom complains. When I'm too tired to cook, he'll be the one cooking, or ordering food for us. When I'm too busy with Azam, our little boy, he'll be cleaning the house.

What's there to complain about?

Well, I, my self is an ordinary human being. Who stills have dreams and desires.

Life has been wonderful in my nearly 30 years of living. I've been through the ups and downs.
Not to mention the disappointment. The heartbreaks.
But there has always been more happy days, days that I'm grateful about. Days where saying Alhamdulillah won't be enough.

As we live, we will strive to do anything that needs to be done to survive.
Survive being a child, a wife, a mother and a worker at the same time.
Still trying to manage being all of that at the same time. But I always know that, this is my choice, and I'm going to do the best I can to make it work. :)

A New Beginning...

Alhamdulillaaah... 

Two months ago, on the 6th of October 2013, I got married. :-) to a wonderful man, Rohman

The ceremony was held in Masjid Al-Azhar, Kebayoran Baru, South Jakarta. It was a beautiful day, most of our big family were there. Friends and colleagues also came to the wedding reception to celebrate with us.

Three weeks later we had another reception, called ngunduh mantu. It was held in Kudus, my husband's hometown. 

Alhamdulillah everything went well and according to plan. I'm so lucky to have married such a wonderful and patient man. I love you sayang. Let's start our lifetime journey with Bismillah... 

Differences.

Being different from one another gives color to our life. Because of that we have to accept those differences, embrace it. Make it something to interest each other. Maybe with those differences can come the so called opposites attract.

Yes, too much similarities can cause boredom. When there are several differences, we tend to have much more things to say to each other. Much more topics to talk about. Things becomes much more interesting.

Differences, that's what separates two people, but can also be the attachment. Those differences creates curiosity. It creates questions. Those questions can show how much you care about that person. This creates a good relationship. This leads to love, yes love. That one feeling that's so universal, that can be felt between so different people.

Then again, as I've said before, differences can drift people apart. Especially when it's a principal things, like religion, political issues, and also race. Yes, race. Some family or some people cannot accept a particular race as part of their family or circle of friends. But in my beloved country, Indonesia, race differences is somehow not a big deal. Indonesia has a huge range of race group. The archipelago consist of many race.

So, embrace those differences, be thankful for it. Cause from those differences we can learn, learn how to tolerate, learn new cultures, learn new language, learn to look at things from different point of views.

Learning to Love

This life, that we lived in, is a University of Life. During our time being we have to always learn to survive, to be happy and to even enjoy it.
In this case, it's learning to love.

Why should you learn to love?
Well, that's a simple question, but there can be several complicated answers to it.
I think, in order to be happy we should know how to love. Love our family, friends, lovers, haters, jobs, foods, beautiful view, and etc, etc. In order to enjoy it. We have to know it, once we know it, we'll start to like it, and finally at a point we are gonna love it. Whatever that is. :)

Some people choose to chase for their happiness, some other choose to wait for it to come to them. Well for me happiness is what's on your mind, it's within you. You are the one who has the right to decide whether to be happy nor sad. To love or to be loved.

In the case of LOVE. There're also choices. You can either fight for the person you love. Or learn to love the person who loved you at first.
I have always been in the first category for years. Chasing, for the guy I liked. but always end up bad.
So, now I gave up chasing love.
I choose to go with the second category. When a guy comes, approaching, showing his attentions, his patience, his love to us. What should we do? Should we just smile, while trying to push him away? Or should we open our heart and let him love us? And at the same time learn to love him the way he loves me.
It's always better to just open your heart, girls. Being loved feels a lot better than chasing a guy who doesn't even care about your existence.
Being loved gives me more happiness.

I start to need his attention, demanding for more. Starting to be worried when he's feeling unwell. Starting to ask about his day, his daily activities. Yes dear, that's me, learning to love you.

When a woman is showered with love and attention, eventually, she will love the man who love and care for her.
But when a man is showered with love and attention by a woman, the possibility is he will never fall for you.
That's an ugly truth. But it's true, that's what usually happens around us.

So, why don't you just open up your heart, let people around you love you. If they're just strangers, get to know them, care for them and learn to love them.

That's what I'm doing now, learning to love you Man. With all the attention and every little story you shared with me every day, I ask my self, how can I not love you? For I know, from your attitude and even just your smile, that you love me, with all your heart. So dear, please hold my heart carefully, take care of it with your love. And I'll learn to love you the way you have been loving me.

Crazy, Stupid, Love

Just watched this movie yesterday. Not expecting much from it, but a good laugh and some entertainment for my Saturday night.


The movie started with a scene at a restaurant, where Cal Weaver (Steve Carell) and Emily (Julianne Moore) were having dinner. Everything was okay, until Cal said, "Let's say what we want at the same time". He meant to choose what they're having for desert. He said, "Creme brule", while Emily said, "I want a divorce".
Then came an awkward silence. Things became weird and while they were talking on the way home, Emily told Cal that she was cheating on him with her colleague, David Lindhagen. Hearing this, Cal was pissed off. and jumped out of the moving car.


Long story short, they separated. Cal moved out. And tried to move on, by going to bars. Here he met Jacob Palmer (Ryan Gosling), a womanizer, who goes home with different woman every night.
Jacob told Cal that he should move on, and taught him how to gain back his manhood.
So, Jacob did a make over for Cal and taught him how to seduce women at the bar. So he can forget about being miserable.


At first I was a bit surprised with Carell's serious character here. But he did a great job playing a loving husband and a wonderful dad.
The idea for this movie was brilliant. I mean it was a common topic to be seen in romantic comedies, but how they present it, made it less boring. 
Here's one of my favorite lines from the movie.
Cal: I'm so mad at you. I'm really mad at you for what you did. But I'm mad at myself too. Because I should not have jumped out of that car - I should have fought for you. Because you fight for your soul mates. 
Emily: I miss you. 


Can't say no more. Just watch it, and you'll love it.


Cheers,
Zha

Falling Slowly

by Glen Hansard



I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You'll make it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
The moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice

You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along...

***
Loving this song from the first time I hear it... ;)

2011: A Year of New Beginnings

First of all, I  wanna wish everyone a Happy New Year... May things turns out better in this new year for all of us.. (kayak banyak yang baca aja ya..?! Hehehe :D)

This year, there are so many new things that happened to me.
One of the biggest thing is, I got a new full-time job. Yay! Finally after a struggle through the recruitment processes, I nailed the job :)
But with this new job, I needed to re-evaluate my plans, especially my study plans. That time I was still in my second semester of post grad school. Since this job wasn't easy to get, so I decided to postpone and take a leave from school, up until now.

So, starting from the 1st of May 2011, I started my training for this new job in one of their training center in Makassar. At that time, imagining to live in a city so far away from home was a little scary. Well, I've spent three years far from home once I did my undergraduate studies, but Bandung isn't as far as Makassar from Pekanbaru, right?
So then, I spent nearly half of 2011 in this not so new city. Learning my least favorite subject in senior high, Accounting and Finance (Aaargh!) Well, the quotation saying "What you resist, persist" is pretty much true in this matter. I never liked Accounting, never get good grades in this subject, refuse to take Financial Management as a major during undergrad. But now, I end up having to study this very subject all over again for  five months.
These months has been stressful yet fun. In my previous post I wrote that there are tests nearly every week during this five months. But then again, the togetherness of 77 strangers living far far away from home and the spirit to be a good auditor makes us stay.
The chance to explore the city and some tourist destination around South Sulawesi during the weekends made this training worth it. Hehehe.. It saves a lot of money though, since we only have to pay for a small part of our traveling expense. Because everyone whose following the training gets two chance to go on holiday together with the whole participants of training, the transportation and accommodation was covered, we just have to add a few hundred thousand Rupiahs to sum it up if it cost more.

So, on weekdays the day starts with a morning ceremony where the "Pembina" checks whether everyone's there, who is sick, who's absent. it's held around 6.45 AM before breakfast and another one held after breakfast before entering class. The classes starts on 8 AM up until 4 PM from Monday to Friday.
During the first two weeks, we still have class until 8 PM. Oh my, this was soooo exhausting. But after that period of time, we only study during the day.  

We have sports training twice a week, early in the morning on Tuesdays and Fridays. It was really hard to wake up that early for Subuh prayers and sports. But when we get used to it, it became a habit.

At night, we had dinner around seven. Afterwards, we have time for self study and then another ceremony with the Pembina for attendance check.

During weekends we spent our times touring the city. Malls, museum, beaches, and everything else. Movies, karaoke, sports, souvenirs shopping, and grocery shopping. We just do what can be done outside the dorm.
This weekend activities grouped us. We tend to go out with the ones who shared similar interest and point of views. I got new best friends here. Angga, Sandrina, Dewi, Likur, Hadi, Andina, Azaris, Tina, Rezka, Isha, Ika and some others. And I also found love. *smirk*

He was one of my training buddy in Makassar. He already showed his attention and intention around the last month of the training. And we were stationed in the same city and office, Jakarta. Our relationship continues in Jakarta, up until now. It's growing stronger, I guess.

So, here I am living my life in 2012, while being thankful for every little thing I've achieved and got in 2011.
Life goes on, no matter what.

Cheers,
Zha