It's over, even when it hasn't started yet

Another prove that I have no luck in this love and relationship department.

Here's why..

If you read my previous blog posts, you'll know that I'm trying to make things work with my best friend. And last Friday I went to Bandung to meet him.

We went out that night for dinner and movie at Parijs Van Java. Dinner was great, everything was delicious. And the movie was funny and very entertaining. I laugh much, I nearly cried.
Before going out, I text him to ask if it is okay if my cousin joined us. But he said he wants us to be alone, he needs to talk to me. Okay, so we're alone.
At dinner I asked him what did he want to talk about. He said he didn't wanna ruin the moment, he'll talk to me later, after our ride home.
I was really happy that night, that I thought he was gonna say something nice and sweet.

When we arrived at my uncle's house, I went in for awhile before we started talking.
So, there we are, sitting really close to each other. Then he starts talking, short sentences. I already see a lot of regrets in those short words. Until he said, Sorry. My heart sunked. I'm starting to have a bad feeling.
He said that we're not on the same page. Having a girlfriend or things like that isn't his priority now. He wants to finish school and get a job soon. That's what's important for him now. That time, it was really hard for me to breathe. My heart starts to shatter. But I tried not to cry in front of him. I want him to know that I can be strong, strong enough to bear all those news and sadness upon us.
He said he loves and cares for me like a bestfriend and sister. And he wants us to be bestfriends as always. And maybe in the years to come, if it's meant to be, we'll eventually be together.

So, I just want you to know, I don't need the status, I just need you to be there for me, to care for me in what ever condition I'm facing. You, just being there will be a huge help. I thank you for that.

In the end, I'm proud of myself, I can face you yesterday with a smile and all those silly jokes like we never had those conversations.
I have to move on, find somebody else who loves me more and wants to be with me. But, for the very last time, I hope we still have a chance. I want to give it one more try, I don't know when, maybe when you're ready. If we're meant to be, then we'll be together.

Btw, he posted this Note on his Facebook the night after we had the talk.

To a Friend, With Love..

I am sorry...
That door doesn’t open for both of us at the same time
This place doesn’t belong to us in the mean time
But please, still be walking with me
Sharing our joy with them like we're used to be
This painful moment will get by
Along with those tears and cry
You know,
It hurts when I see you’re hurt
It makes me sad when I know you’re sad
So, cheer up!
Your best friend is always here...


Bandung, March 4 2011

To a friend, with love...
a best friend's Love.

Thanks for that dear bestfriend :)