New Year Resolution

The year 2008 nearly ends..
There's so many things that I have experienced this year, good things, bad things, happiness, sadness, pride, disappointment, all those feelings that mad me a better person.

So, in this upcoming year, of course I'm really hoping to become an even better person.
Getting closer to all my dreams, or even reach one or more of them. Learn more new things, get more knowledge in lots of new things. Become more religious, do more ibadah, learn much more about Islam to have a more beautiful life...
Try to accept all the consequences from all the things that I've done before.
Be Healthy, do exercises, more sports, eat right, in order to have a healthier and fit body.
Loving my family and friends more and more. Make new friendships.

Hopefully every little thing in my life would be more and more better, Amin...

Where did those feelings go?
I don't know
I just realize that those feelings is not here anymore
maybe it is still there, but just a small tiny thing there...

About a year ago, I was really hoping those feeling would go away
But why I'm questioning where it is now?
I don't know

I just didn't feel the same way
when I see him online
when I get the chance to talk with him
There's no more heart beating faster
No more gladness to know he's okay

Well, maybe this is the time
The time it goes away
The time that I would feel that way for another person...

Where Rainbow Ends

Beberapa hari ini saya sedang membaca sebuah novel berjudul "Where Rainbow Ends" (Di Ujung Pelangi).
Buku ini bercerita tentang persahabatan dua orang anak sejak mereka kecil sampai dewasa, Rosie Dunne dan Alex Stewart. Mereka bersahabat sejak berumur 5 tahun sampai mereka sama-sama dewasa, berkeluarga dan punya anak. Selama persahabatan mereka yang bertahun-tahun itu mereka selalu saling bercerita tentang kehidupan mereka walaupun terpisah di dua benua. Alex tinggal di Boston, Amerika Serikat, sedangkan Rosie tinggal di Dublin, Irlandia. Selama bertahun-tahun itu pula mulai tumbuh perasaan lain selain rasa sayang seorang sahabat. Saat menyadari perasaan ini Rosie pun menunjukkan nya pada Alex, tapi sayangnya saat itu Alex telah memiliki Sally yang akan dinikahinya. Tak lama setelah itu Rosie pun bertemu dengan Greg yang juga kan dinikahinya.
Beberapa tahun sesudahnya mereka masih terus berkirim kabar, berbagi cerita tentang berbagai hal. Sampai akhirnya Alex dan Sally memutuskan untuk berpisah. Rosie selalu menghibur Alex saat masalh ini datang. Sampai akhirnya Alex menyadari bahwa ia sangat mencintai Rosie. Saat Alex menulis surat untuk mengungkapkan perasaannya ini, surat ini tidak sampai pada Rosie, malah dibaca oleh Greg yang saat itu langsung marah pada Alex dan memintanya untuk menjauhi Rosie. Tapi itu tidak dilakukannya, ia tetap berhubungan dengan Rosie melalui surat, email dan telepon, tapi ia tidak pernah lagi mengungkit-ungkit perasaannya itu. Akhirnya Bagaimana? Saya juga belum tahu, karena saya belum menyelesaikannya...

Tapi cerita ini mengingatkan saya pada kisah saya sendiri. Saya bersahabat dengan seseorang, memang belum selama persahabatan Rosie dan Alex, tapi kami cukup dekat. Bahkan bagi saya dia adalah orang pertama yang akn saya beritahu jika saya menghadapi suatu masalah dan butuh saran.
Dulu, mungkin sekitar enam tahun yang lalu, sahabat saya yang lain mengatakan bahwa si sahabat saya ini menyukai saya, saat itu saya hanya menganggap dia sebagai sahabat, tidak lebih. Jadi saya pun secara tidak langsung menolak dia. Waktu itu kami sempat tidak berhubungan dan berkirim kabar beberapa bulan, mungkin enam bulan, saya juga tidak terlalu ingat. Saat itu saya merasanya sangat kehilangan sahabat saya, ingin bercerita tapi takut masih merasa tidak enak. Tapi Alhamdulillah, akhirnya semua kembali seperti biasa, kami mulai saling berkirm email lagi, ber-SMS, kadang saling telepon. Sampai saat ini dia masih menjadi orang yang paling dulu saya hubungi diantara teman-teman saya jika saya butuh saran. Bahkan kalau saya sedang suka pada seseorang, saya tidak tahu bagaimana perasaannya saat saya bercerita tentang yang satu ini. Penasaran juga. Tapi jujur saja, saat dia becerita tentang perempuan yang sedang didekatinya, ada sedikit rasa cemburu yang saya rasakan. Tapi bagi saya, jika sahabat saya bahagia, saya akan sangat berbahagia...

May our friendship lasts forever...

When I Fall Down, I'll try to Wake Up Again..

"Yesterday morning I was still excited with what's gonna happen...
I have all these dreams in my head..
Now, all I wanna do is runaway from all this mess..
Have a little break..
And try to move on with my life...
I don't know what God has planned for me, but I believe that it must be something a lot better than all of this...
I hope so.."

That was a note I wrote on my cellphone's notepad, the night I got the second bad news.

Well, for some of you that have read my previous posts, maybe you already know that recently I 'm following recruitment processes in some companies. Well I got the last result from them yesterday and the day before.

It turns out that the results are both disappointing.

The first bad news came in the late afternoon on Wednesday. I already saw the main announcement on the message board of the website at noon, but they still haven't posted the list of names of the succeeding candidates. So I waited till the afternoon to see it again. While browsing for other things I always refresh the web page. Then the list came out, I searched, I didn't find my name, I searched it again, none. That time I feel like yelling so much, but I managed to calmed down. After that I pray that I home something good will come, that I'm destined to be working in the other company that I also applied for. But I nearly cried that day.

The next day, which was yesterday, after I had lunch I went back to my room trying to turn on the TV, when my cell phone rings, a new message came. I checked, it was my friend who also followed the recruitment process in the second company, she said that the announcement were already posted on the website. So I hurried turning on the PC, waiting it to turn on, open the browser, and the the website was there. I saw the link to the announcement, I clicked it. Read the main announcement. Search for my name, didn't find it (again), searched again, maybe for about 5 times, still my name wasn't there. This time I really can't help it, I start to cry. But only lasted for a while.
Then I called my Mom to tell her about the second bad news of the week, I failed again. Then I started to cry again.

So this it. What I have done in the last 4 (FOUR) months is such a waste. All the hopes and dreams that I have put by working for either company just vanished right away. Just because a damn medical check up.

Now, I really really need a break..

Then, when I am ready I will work out on what to do next..

And yes, when I fall down, I'll always try to wake up again...


PS.
Thanks for everyone of you that have supported me in the last four months, especially to my Dad, for always being there...
and to my friends for the best wishes and supports...
I will always try again and again, until one day I succeed..
Love u all..

(Masih) Menunggu

Seperti yang pernah saya katakan pada posting yang lalu tentang menunggu, hal ini merupakan salah satu hal yang paling tidak saya sukai. Apapun itu yang sedang saya tunggu. Apalagi menunggu dalam ketidakpastian....Hufff...Sangat menyebalkan. Lebih lagi kalau yang ditunggu itu sesuatu yang menyangkut masa depan, apa yang akan terjadi sebulan setahun atau bahkan lima tahun dari sekarang...makin menyebalkan.

Jadi, di sinilah saya, menunggu dalam ketidakpastian. Menunggu sesuatu yang menyangkut masa depan saya, sesuatu yang menentukan apa yang akan saya lakukan dalam sebulan, setahun atau bahkan lima tahun ke depan.
Yang membuat hal ini makin tidak menyenangkan adalah pihak yang membuat saya menunggu ini tidak memberitahu kapan ketidakpastian ini akan berakhir. Bahkan tidak ada batas waktu tertentu dimana kemungkinan saya akan mendengar dari mereka.

Mungkin kamu bertanya, apa sih sebenarnya yang kamu tunggu? Well, jawabnya mudah, hasil tes sebuah proses panjang rekrutmen pegawai di sebuah BUMN terkemuka.
Jadi proses panjang ini sudah dimulai sejak bulan Juli 2008 ini, yang berarti sudah lebih empat bulan. Dari semua proses panjang itu, Alhamdulillah saya sudah sampai pada tahap akhir, yaitu medical check-up yang dilaksanakan pada tanggal 17 November ini. Pada saat itu mereka tidak memberitahu kami kapan hasil akhir ini akan diberitahukan. Jadilah kami semua, 87 orang ini, menunggu dalam ketidakpastian yang menyebalkan.

Apalagi saat ini, beberapa rekan saya yang juga mengikuti proses ini telah dihubungi oleh pihak perusahaan. Hal ini makin mebuat jantung saya makin berdegup tak menentu.

Saat ini saya hanya bisa terus berdoa dan berharap agar Allah SWT dapat memberikan yang terbaik untuk saya, amin...

Di sisi lain, saya juga mengikuti test di perusahaan lain, yang juga telah sampai pada tahap akhir. Bedanya perusahaan ini memberikan waktu tertentu, kapan kemungkinan palin cepat mereka akan mengumumkan hasilnya. Mereak berkata kami bisa mulai memeriksa website mereka mulai tanggal 20 November ini. Tapi sampai saat ini pengumuman itu masih saja belum ada di website perusahaan itu...

So, I'll just keep hoping, praying, and believing that god has prepared something great and wonderful for me....amin...

Just a Dream

I was dreaming of you last night...

We were walking together
I don't know where we were heading to

Suddenly, I don't know why
You hold my hand
Yes you did
You hold my hand
really really tight

I felt so real

Now, I have a simple question to ask
Have you ever dreamed of me?

A Poetry Book

I don't really like to read poets...I just enjoy to write some...hehehe...
But a small, grayish book, with lots of fruits on it, caught my eye...

The title of that poetry book is "Fruits: Flavors of Life" by Marrysa Tunjung Sari.

So, these are some of my favorite poets from this little book...


***
Stupid Poem

Do you love me?
Just answer my question as simple as the question !

Do you love?
Why so much trouble just for a question ?

Do you love me?
Bullshit with all the sad songs and sentences !
All I need is just an answer for...

Do you love me?
Simply by yes or no
And all the consequence will be all on my side

What is this??!!
You respond a question with a question !

What kind of answer is that !
Okay I will answer yours,
Yes I love you!

And if I don't love you,
I will find the way to love you!

Now,
Do you love me ?


***
Cheap Romance

Don't be nice to me
Without understanding me
Don't ever pity on me
Without seeing me suffer
Don't you talk behind me
Without reading between the lines
Don't ever thank me
Without admitting I'm your friend
Don't even bother to remember me
Only a memory of cheap romance


***
A Mind of Jealousy

I dreamed of you last night
You walked with another woman
Not me I guess
I woke up broken

I dreamed of you again
You kissed that same woman
Definitely not me
....again

***

nice ones right?
try to read it yourself..

Indonesia Book Fair 2008

Yesterday I went to the Indonesia Book Fair at the Plenary Hall, JHCC. There was a lot of book publishers and book stores following that event. They give a lot of discounts for books there, starting from 10% to 70%. That was really a great deal for a book lover like me. I can't save a lot by coming to these event and buying books here.

By coming to this event I was hoping that I could find some good English books, from my favorite authors of course, or any best selling books that some people recommends me to read. But, I didn't find any good English book with a good price. Most of the English book that I want, was sold with a normal price. Hmmmmm....This made me a little upset...Huuff... I searched for them in almost every stands that sells English books. But most of them don't have a really good price. So, I move on to find Indonesian books that I have been targeting to buy, when I went to a bookstore last time.

So, after searching around the Hall for about half an hour, I finally bought one Novel, entitled "Where Rainbows Ends" by Cecelia Ahern. Then I went on searching again, to other stands, then I found a poetry book called "Fruits: Falvor of Life" by Marrysa Tunjung Sari. I've already read half of it, it's good actually.
so, I continue searching, but found nothing interesting. But I remembered that I had an interest on a book at the stand where I bought the first book. So I get back there and bought "Bellamore: A Beautiful Love to Remember" by Karla M. Nashar. Well, I'm happy that I got the books that I wanted.

On that same time, at the same place, there were also a computer exhibition at another hall. So, I also went there to look around. Makes me wanna buy a new iPod nano...huhuhu...(maybe when i got my paycheck!) and also making me wanting those Hi-tech Laptops...hmmm... But at last, I didn't buy anything here.

Then I got lunch and went home.

A Year Ago...

Today, a year ago, was my graduation ceremony day...

It means, it has been a year long since I was officially graduated...
Well, it also means that it has been a year I am unoccupied or jobless..Hahaha...
well not actually jobless, I got part time jobs...
It also been a year full of struggling in recruitment processes, often failing...
But I really hope that this struggle will come to an end eventually.

I'm just hoping and praying for the best to come....

Menunggu...

Menunggu adalah salah satu hal yang paling menyebalkan di dunia...huaaaaa....
apalagi setelah menunggu lama kita mendapatkan berita mengecewakan tentang hal yang sedang kita tunggu.
Ceritanya nih, gw lagi ngikutin proses rekrutmen di salah satu perusahaan besar di Indonesia. Proses rekrutmen ini tergolong amat sangat panjang karena prosesnya terdiri dari 7 (TUJUH) tahap. Can you imagine that!!??!! Hahahaha...Pasti males banget kan ngebayanginnya...hehehe..
Sekarang gw udah ada di tahap ke 5, yaitu wawancara user. Di tahap ini kita di pertemukan dengan beberapa orang HRD dan user kita nantinya kalo diterima kerja di perusahaan ini. Nah, setelah mengetahui kita lolos ke tahap ini melalui website, kita akan dihubungi melalui telepon untuk memberitahukan jadwal wawancara kita.
Pada saat itu gw udah mulai mengalami yang namanya MENUNGGU. Gw kan sempet contact ama temen-temen lain yang juga ikutan test ini, dan beberapa dari mereka udah di hubungi. Itu yang bikin gw panik, bertanya-tanya "Kok gw gak ditelpon-telpon ya?". Sekitar 3 hari setelah pengumuman barulah gw dihubungi via telpon. Gw diberitahu untuk hadir wawancara pada tanggal 23 Oktober 2008 jam 08.00 pagi di gedung management perusahaan tersebut.
Jadi dengan bermodal kepercayaan diri, datanglah gw pada hari tersebut dengan sangat bersemangat. Gw sampai di gedung itu jamg 06.40 (Hahahaha...pagi banget!) Ini sih karena pertimbangan takut macet dan sebagainya lah, bukan karena gw sangat bersemanagat loh...hehehe...
Sesampainya disana penantian gw pun dimulai...
Setelah menunggu sekitar 1 jam, akhirnya ada seorang petugas yang datang menghampiri kita. Memberikan beberapa form yang harus kami isi. Gw dan teman-teman seperjuangan gw sampe bertanya-tanya, "apa mereka gak nyimpen data kita ya? sampe kita harus ngisi data diri berkali-kali gini...". Tapi kami gak bisa berbuat apa-apa selain ngisi tu form.
Penantian pun berlanjut. Selesai mengisi form, kami diinstruksikan untuk menuju ke lantai 3, tempat ruang wawncara berada. Setelah menuggu beberapa lama, kami di beri daftar absen. Di list itu nama gw ada di urutan 12 dari 14 orang...HUaaaaa...udah bete aja gw, pasti lama banget tuh nunggu nya...
Saat menunggu giliran wawancara, gw sempet kenalan ama peserta test yang lain. Ternyata yang wawancara hari ini semua dari Ekonomi, ada yang akuntansi, ada yang manajemen. Kita semua dari uni yang berbeda-beda. Jadi obrolan pun jadi beragam.
Di sela-sela waktu kami menunggu, datang lah sebuah kabar dari seorang rekan yang sudah selesai di wawancara. Dia mengabarkan bahwa kami semua yang diwawancara di minggu kedua ini sudah pasti tidak diterima sebagai MT (Management Trainee), Ugh...Sebel gak sih dengernya...kita semua hanya ditawari jabatan Fungsional, which is Staff Biasa. Hahaha...that was the phrase of the day. Semuanya jadi kehilangan semangat dan mulai bete. Tapi untungnya ada salah satu dari kami yang mulai bikin joke-joke tentang kenyataan kami gak akan jadi MT, ini bikin suasana jadi cair kembali. Semua jadi tampak lebih fresh lagi. Setelah ngobrol ngalor ngidul lagi, gak terasa waktu udah menunjukkan pukul 12.00 siang. Salah satu pewawancara mengabarkan kalo kami akan istirahat dan akan dimulai lagi pukul 12.30. Jadilah kami pergi untuk istirahat, sholat dan makan siang. Setelah sholat, ternyata udah jam 12.20, jadilah gak sempet makan siang. Akhirnya kita langsung ke atas lagi. Untungnya tadi sempet dibagikan snack, jadi lumayan ada ganjel..hehehe...
Lalu, penantian pun berlanjut. Ternyata wawancara baru dimulai lagi pukul 13.00...ngaret setengah jam, sangat Indonesia lah yaa...
Tiap orang yang keluar dari ruangan pasti langsung kami serbu dengan pertanyaan-pertanyaan "ditanyain apa aja tadi" "ditawarin ke bagian apa" "Loe jawabnya gimana?" yaaa something like that...
Akhirnya sampai juga giliran gw, jam udah menunjukkan pukul 15.00...hahaha...udah keburu lecek banget gw...
Di dalam ruangan, gw ditanya soal interest gw di bagian mana, trus pengetahuan gw tentang interest gw itu. Mostly, gw bisa jawab, walaupun ada beberapa yang agak terbata-bata.

So, in conclusion gw telah menunggu selama sekitar 8 jam untuk sebuah wawancara yang hanya berlangsung sekitar 20 menit. Hahahaha....

I hope it all worth it, and I'll be accepted in this company...Hopefully....

I Read a Lot!

Yup, in the last two months I read a lot of books.
Lets count. I guess I read about 7 (seven) books. That's quite a lot. For me who used to read only one book in weeks or even months. Hahaha...

Those books are:
* The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro
* Ciao Italia: Catatan Petualangan Empat Musim by Gama Harjono
* Divortiare by Ika Natassa
* A Very Yuppy Wedding by Ika Natassa (also)
* Laskar Pelangi by Andrea Hirata
* The Naked Traveler by Trinity
* Winter in Tokyo by Ilana Tan

From all those books, my favorite will be Divortiare and Laskar Pelangi. Both has very different stories.
Divortiare is about a young talented woman, who has just got divorce from his husband. But, she still cannot really forget about his ex-husband and keep on comparing all the men near him with his ex. It is a quite thick novel, but I finished it in less than 24 hours. It's kind of amazing that I used to finish reading one book for a long time, and I can finish this one in less than a day. Hahaha...

The other one is Laskar Pelangi, one of Indonesia's Best Seller novel. This novel is about, the life and education of children in Belitong. How they try to let the world know that they and their school exist. How they learn thing in a really poor school. What they were doing together as Laskar pelangi. This is a really good book. It inspires people to care more about education in Indonesia, especially in the rural areas, in the villages.

Well, I'll just keep on reading books. Lots and lots more I guess...

Lucky

by Jason Mraz feat. Colbie Caillat

Do you hear me,
Talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying

Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair

Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

***
One of my favorite song recently, heuheu..

I'm 22 and Still Counting...

Yup, three days ago was my 22nd birthday...

First of all, I would like to say...Alhamdulillah, thanks Allah for the wonderful 22 years that I have had, and I hope the upcoming years would be more wonderful and I could give all my best to my surroundings...

This year, my birthday starts with my cellphone ringing in the middle of the night, hehehe... this rarely happens, used to be only SMSs in the middle of the night. It was my cousin, MbAchy and her friends...thanks guys for the prayers...then I continue to sleep, when I woke up in the morning, my mom and dad greet me Happy Birthday, and i found some SMSs in my cellphone mostly from my friends...and during the day it still comes...

On my birthday, like every other birthday I have had, my mom cooked me Nasi Kuning, Fried Chicken, Scrambled bean curd and sambel...hmmmm yummm....

In the afternoon, I went to hang out with my best friends, Elvin, Citra, Rahmi and Dito. We went to one of the Mall in Pekanbaru. We had a late lunch there, and just window shop. Until one moment when Elvin told us to separate, me with him and Dito, then Rahmi with Citra...It was so obvious that they want to find a present for me...hehehe...
After that we went to Rahmi's house, because her mom and dad will go out of town so she has to meet them. We prayed Maghrib there. Then we went to Citra's. We spent time chatting and taking pictures there. Here, they gave me the present, I got a really nice tote bag..Thank you guys...
Then, Elvin and Dito took me home, I thank them for the day...

This was one of the memorable birthday I had, simple things happen but nice.

I'm really hoping that all my dreams will come true and I will have wonderful upcoming years...

"Sorry, not talking to you now..."

sedih deh...
tadi kan gw dateng ke acara buka bersama di tempat sepupu gw...sepupu gw itu kebetulan kemaren baru berulang tahun. gw kesana bareng sepupu gw yang lain, yang rumahnya deketan ama gw, pacarnya dan seorang teman nya yang lain. di sana sepupu gw yang berulang tahun itu ngundang temen-temennya dia. beberapa gw kenal, karena pernah beberapa kali jalan bareng.
Nah, ada salah satu dari temennya sepupu gw itu yang, kalo menurut gw sih, cukup akrab ama gw. kita sering comment-comment-an di Friendster, chatting di YM...pokonya cukup sering contact lah. biasanya ada aja yang mau diobrolin...
Tapi...tadi pas ketemu...dia emang dengan bersemangat menyapa gw..."Hai Zaza..." gw juga mbales dengan semangat banget...hehehe...Sesudah itu gw beranggapan kalo gw ama dia bakal ngobrol apa gitu, at least nanya kabar deh...but, guess what...bahkan bilang "apa kabar?" juga gak...huhu...perasaan gw antara sedih, sebel dan kecewa...
kok dia gitu ya? padahal biasanya kita punya aja topik buat diobrolin...eh masa pas ketemu, seems like there's nothing to talk about...

well, there's nothing i can say...

Soalnya SUSAH, Sumpah!!

Hahaha...
tadi gw ikutan tes CPNS Deplu...

and as predicted,,,,,soalnya bikin puyeng...

mana ujiannya jam 2 siang sat lagi puasa, kebayangkan betapa lemes dan ngantuknya saat ngerjain soal-soal itu...huhuhu...
jadi soalnya terdiri dari 4 bagian. bagian pertama itu, multiple choice, which is, can be guessed...hahaha..i'm not saying it was easy, but at least i can guess the answers..hahahaha...bagian kedua, itu isian singkat, nah ini nih bagian yang menurut gw paling susah, soalnya gw banyakan gak tau jawabannya...jadilah gw cuma ngisi setengah, dengan beberapa jawaban asal...bagian ketiga dan keempat itu uraian, satu bagian berbahasa indonesia yang lainnya berbahasa inggris...tadinya gw kira bagian ini bakal susah banget, ternyata gak juga, soalnya banyakan pertanyaannya kita disuruh ngasih saran atau pendapat...

well, i don't have high expectations in this test...
just hoping for the best..

wish me luck! :)

asking, "Does he ever love me?"

Well, this question has been on my mind for a while...
But now, I think that I don't have the right to ask him...
because, everyone knows, now he has someone beside him...

but, keep wondering in my mind...
"Does he ever love me?", even for a minute? a second? or even less...
maybe just slightly came to his mind that he loves me...

well, this will be an unanswered question from now on...

Ramadhan Segera Tibaaa...

Yup, Ramadhan sudah di depan mata....
Mari sambut dengan gembiraaa...Yaaayyy...

Alhamdulillah gak sampe 1 minggu lagi udah Ramadhan lagi, udah saatnya kita mulai bersiap-siap untuk beribadah sepenuh hati, meluangkan waktu untuk lebih banyak beribadah dan menyucikan hati untuk memaafkan semua orang yang pernah bersalah pada kita.

Mudah-mudahan kita semua bisa menjalani dan melaksanakan semua ibadah di bulan ini dengan hati yang bersih sampai di hari kemenangan.

Selamat Menunaikan Ibadah Puasa di bulan Ramadhan taun ini yaa semuanyaa...
Smoga amal ibadah kita dapat diterima Allah SWT...

Salah

by Cokelat

Usahku menepis rasa
Rindu yang mendera jiwa
Kau buat aku tersiksa

Bayangnya trus menghampiri
kemanapun ku coba pergi
kemana harus sembunyi

[hooww wooouuu...]
Lemahku lemah
Tak berdaya

Reff:
Salahkah bila
Ku tak henti mengharapkannya
[hooww woouuu...]
Meskipun akhirnya
Ku tahu dia hanya membuatku terluka

Bayangnya trus menghampiri
kemanapun ku coba pergi
oh,adakah dia perduli

lemahku lemah
tak berdaya

[howw wooouuu...]

****

Keep feeling this way
don't know how to end it...

A Weekend to Remember...

Yup, last weekend was really fun!!!

I went to Bandung on Friday afternoon, planning to meet my college friends and my cousins.

On Saturday I went to my friend's house, kaka Dian, and after that we head to Putri's house. We stayed there for a while, while chatting to update everything that has happened in our lives. later, Ayu and Gagay came. After that we went out to dinner at Warung Pasta.
After that, I joined my cousins at Paris Van Java. There we Karaoke...hehehe...well, this time it's not really fun because there were too many people we don't know there, which was my cousins friend. After that, we went to Madtari to have a late night dinneer...hehehe....
With full stomach, we had photo session at dago street, where there was a writing of "bdg".

The next day, we went to get a train ticket for my cousins and after that we had breakfast at Bubur Ayam Zaenal.
Later in the afternoon, my cousin's friend, Jawa, and my other cousin's boyfriend joined us. Then we went to Secret Factory Outlet. we were just window shopping. After that, we had snack time..yippie...we had Ice Durian, which was really delicious! After that we go to a photo studio to get some photo shot. it was great! after that we had dinner at Bebek Darmo. Then, we do some more karaoke...hahaha...to fulfill our disappointment on the previous day. after that we were preparing a surprise for my cousin, Icha's birthday. We set some scenario to make it succeed. We did it at Atmosphere Cafe. It was really fun. We all pushed her to a fish pod...hehehe...she was very upset and made us all wet. bad news was, both he cell phone was broken.

On monday, we were getting ready to go back to jakarta, with really heavy heads and eyes. because we got to bed really late the previous night. my two cousins went back using train. while i was using a shuttle service back to Jakarta.

So that was a nice weekend to remember...

Just an update on my so called life...

well, it's been quite a while since i wrote on this lovely blog....
hehehe...

nothing significant has happened in that 'while'...

I'm just still searching and struggling for the right job for me and my future. While doing that, I asked for permission from my current employer, where I teach there once a week, well I didn't tell them that I'm having tests here and there for another job, I just told them that I will be out of town for a while doing some personal matter. it's been three weeks since I said that. I don't know what they are thinking now...

During this three weeks, I've had a chance to have a trip to Bandung. OOouughh...how I missed that city...I spent about four days there. I contacted some friends and met one of them. I met Bunga, my college friend. Got some news updates on my friends. Well, some of them were heading abroad to gain their master's degree. which i envy so so much. I also wanted to go abroad and get more knowledge out there. I also met my housemates, really missed those moments when we were still living together.

Now, I'm still here in Jakarta. Waiting for results of the tests I've followed. Keep praying for the best results. I just wish to get what's best for me...

Do You Remember??

Do you remember?
Those wonderful moments...
The ones that was filling our days...
When rain pour down to our heads...
Makes us all wet...
But we always put on our happy faces
Those times when we run as fast as we could to be on time for our classes...
Those wonderful break times that we spent touring the campus, trying new places to eat, finding new fun places, or was just looking around...

Do you remember?
The times when we laugh and cry together...
When we argue on lot of things...
When we do things that we always love...
When we hangout or go shopping...
Those moments when we just sit and look around...
To seek for any eye catching views...

Do you remember?
All those beautiful days, that I hope will happen again one day....

He was My Obsession...Part II

The time goes by, we just send SMS to each other once in a while, not often. Sometimes we accidentally met on the cyber world, greet each other, asking for updates on our lives... but, as the time goes by, those times becomes more seldom... This makes me sad... but sometimes when i missed him i just send a "Hello" to him by SMS...

Then, one afternoon... i was taking a nap in my friend's room and left my cell phone in my own room...after i woke up, i checked my cell phone, there was "1 missed call", i checked. and i was surprised, it was HIM! then, i sent him an SMS, asking about the call. then he said that he's in Bandung and asked me the address of my boarding house, he wants to come and visit me...HUUAAAAA....I'M SO HAPPY!!!!
After that i got change, so that I'll be ready when he arrives... i waited for him in our common room, always looking outside waiting for him to come, still holding my cell phone. then, he called, asking the exact position of my place. and yes, he was standing there, in front of the gate. smiling at me. and said "halo...glad to finally meet you..." we shake hands...huhuhuhu.... while waiting for maghrib time, we have a chit chat, nice updates on our lives, but i guess everything was a lot different, i just lost my words, he keeps on asking me to talk about my life. but, i was just so amazed that time, i still thought that this was only a dream....
a dream come true i guess...

then, maghrib comes... he goes to pray at the small mosque nearby, because boys are not allowed in our rooms, while i pray in my room...

then, he comes back... ask me if i am hungry.. then we had dinner at McD Dago...huhuhu...such a memorable place... from thsi dinner i know that he really like water..hehehe... during dinner, we also chat a lot, even i'm still a bit quite... but still nice...
then, he say he have to go, he stays in a hotel quite far from Dago, and said that he will go back to jakarta the next day... so that was our meeting...

the next day, we still message each other by SMS...

then, we loose contact for about a month, when i opened his FS profile and found out that he was seeing someone...hmmm...i just got nothing to say that time... so i just message him and congratulate him on his relationship with this girl...

about a year later... i was at my campus comp room, checking my email and FS, i saw a new photo on his FS...ohh my god... it was a wedding photograph...yes it was true since i clarified everything to him...
i was really shocked that time, having this kind of news makes me confused...

well, that moment i just want to forget him and my obsession... but while i'm trying it became harder and harder....

now, he's just part of my past... i continued living and loving my life...

but, he's still there...
somewhere in my heart...

Til we meet again

At last we meet again
Even only for a while

share some stories
seems you are happy with your new life now
I haven't start mine
but, I hope I will be as happy as you are

I've prepared something for you but I guess it isn't the right time
so I'll save it for later
for the right moment

so, til we meet again...

He was my obsession...

It all started when i was in my second year of senior high school. it started when i see my chair mate’s cell phone. there was an interesting name in the phonebook. his name was Troy. a unique name i guess. then i saved his number. i didn’t do anything to the number for weeks. one day i really have nothing to do and opened my phone book, then i found his number. a silly thought come to my mind. yes, i’m going to give him a missed called...Hahahaha....after several times i did that. comes one SMS. it’s him, he texted, “hi, who’s this? sorry i don’t have your number in my phone book...” so i replied, “hi, this is Zaza, i got your number from a friend, you are Troy (not his real name), right?”... “Yes, nice to know you then...hmmm, i don’t really like SMSs, why don’t we just use emails, we then we can share pics, how bout it? here’s my email troya@yahoo.com (not his real email either)”....”Okay, mine is aziska_06@yahoo.com”... “don’t forget to send me ur pic...”.

that’s how it all started, that evening i called him and had a little chat. recently i know that he just graduated from college in electrical engineering from ITB, the best institute of techonology in Indonesia. Woowww...that was my dream campus...and knowing him encourages me more to study there.

days later we started to send emails to each other. it was always nice long emails, with our daily stories, our backgrounds and fun stuffs to share. those years was really great for me. to have some one to share with, after along time having no company. he was always nice and cheerful. but, the emails becomes seldom, just once in weeks. that’s when he started to get a job. i was really happy that he got his first job, eventhough it wasn’t his dream job. those days, i felt that he likes me, even when we never met each other. he always come around, anytime in my life, stays in my heart for along time....

he was one of the reason why i decided to go to ITB to continue my studies that time, and i never regret that decision of mine... he was always been my supporter, he gives me a lot of supports and spirit...

during our three years cyber relationship, we never met. we just sent SMS, emails and call each other. until one afternoon, he messages me. saying “Za, i’m in bandung now, can we meet? i really wanted to see you personally...” okay, i’m like, SHOCKED!! after years, this time comes. that was my first year of college. but i said, the weather is too hot outside and i don’t wanna go alone, so he said “why don’t u ask ur friend to accompany you” but there’s like no one wanting to go on a hot afternon like that... so i gave up, and didn’t meet him...OOOUUUGGGHHH...that’s sucks!!

When a Man Lost a Women; a Novel by Ita Sembiring

It's a nice book, it has poets in the beginning of every chapter..these are my favorites...

"Tetapi...coba tanyakan padanya, mengapa sudi dipecundangi cinta. Yakinlah, laki-laki itu pasti tertawa. Menertawakan pertanyaanmu yang dianggapnya bodoh, lalu bekata, 'Kalau kau pernah mengecap cinta, kau tak akan pernah bertanya.'"

"Palingkanlah matamu daripadaku, sebab aku menjadi bingung karenanya."

"Seperti makanan enak-enak yang disajikan kepada mulut terkatup, demikianlah pesajian yang di tempatkan diatas kubur."

"Jangan menyerahkan kepada kesedihan, dan jangan pula menyiksa dirimu dengan disengaja."

"Karena mereka tidak dapat tidur bila tidak berbuat jahat. Kantuk mereka lenyap bila mereka tidak membuat orang tersandung."

"Air yang banyak tak dapat memadamkan cinta, sungai-sungai tak dapat menghanyutkannya."

"Ceritakanlah kepadaku, jantung hatiku, di mana Kakanda menggembalakan domba, di mana kakanda membiarkan domba-domba berbaring pada malam hari."

Saya Bukan Manusia Sempurna

ya, hanya itu yang dapat saya ucapkan saat ini
saat orang - orang menuntut kesempurnaan dari saya

saya tidak bisa focus pada satu hal, saya akan melakukan banyak hal, banyak rencana dalam satu waktu

saya punya mimpi besar tentang hidup saya 5 - 10 tahun lagi. hanya mereka yang mengerti saya yang bisa memahami nya.

mereka yang tidak, hanya akan bilang, "ah, gak usah muluk - muluk" tapi bagi saya ini sebuah keinginan untuk jadi lebih baik.

saya selalu berpikir, banyak hal yang bisa saya perbuat untuk orang2 yang telah mengisi hidup saya, hanya yang ada sedikit kesempatan untuk mewujudkannya. hidup terus berlanjut, gak mudah untuk melalui nya.

tapi ini hanya sebuah pernyataan, bukan perlawanan, hanya bercerita, bukan menyebar berita.

Big Girls Don't Cry

by Fergie

Da Da Da Da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You're probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS:]
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry

The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

[CHORUS]

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be my Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
'Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS]

La Da Da Da Da Da
***

Yupz...we do not cry in front of alot of people..
we just need a time alone and have our own time..

Kangen kalian semua...

Kangen suasananya...
Kangen gelak tawanya
Kangen becandaannya
kangen jalan - jalannya
kangen cerita - ceritanya
Kangen kebiasaan kita
menjelajahi kampus tercinta
mencari 'pemandangan' yang menyejukkan mata
dan hati kita
Bahagia, tawa, canda dan duka
Yang telah kita lalui bersama...

One of the Toughest Part in Life: Finding the Right Job

Well, this journey starts at a part of my life where i was on my final year of college.

yes, it was when the career service team of SBM starts to tell us to start to figure out where we're going to work when we graduate, what short of job we really want and all that kind of stuffs.

well, my journey starts when i applied for P&G, i think it was in the beginning of 2006. i did all the things that i should do, but the internet in ITB was so lame and pathetic, so it made things worser... in this first journey, I FAILED!

then, i can't really remember which one was the second.
during those times i was always applying for nearly all job offered by the SBM Career Service. Until the time on July 2007 when they held the 1st SBM's Career Fair. I applied to 10 companies out of 12 (i guess).

after that i always checked my SBM email and apply for the companies that interest me.

about a month before my graduation ceremony, there was an email notification that i am eligible to follow recruitment process in two companies, Brittish American Tobacco ands Garudafood. After struggling for 2 long days, eventually I FAILED AGAIN!

During the fasting month, i got a really surprising call from one of my dream company, BANK MANDIRI. for this one i flew miles away from Pekanbaru to Jakarta. I got a bit lucky this time. I pass the first tests, which was TOEFL test. But I FAILED on the second test, Apptitude Test.

Then, a about two weeks after my graduation ceremony, i got a notification from HSBC. WOOOOWWW... i was so thrilled that time. i followed the test, but at the moment i already know that I'M FAILING. well, it came true.

next, if i'm not forgotten, was a futures excahnge company in Pekanbaru. it wasn't a big company, but they also DID'NT ACCEPT ME!

then, i applied for english teacher post in LBPP LIA. that time i was really counting on this one. but, unfortunately i failed on the 4th test...ohh..daammn...

i move on to get more application...

i got a call from PT Fastfood Indonesia a.k.a KFC, i did the interview, but haven't heard anything from them since then...

the last one would be, one of the biggest media group in Indonesia, MNC. for this one i also flew miles away from home...it was a really exhausting 1 day test. the next day i know I FAIL Again! FYI, in this recruitment process, there were 11,000 applicants, +/- 1,000 was called for test, and finally there will only be 30 people hired...wooww...

hmmm...i really have no clue where this journey will end. i just can keep on hoping, praying, and believing, that Allah has prepared a really great place for me...

Cinta datang
Cinta pergi
Ia berlalu sesuka hati
Tapi ia selalu mengisi ruang kosong di relung hati

Untuk keluarga
Untuk sahabat
Untuk kekasih

Cinta selalu disini
Memberi warna hari–hari…

Pekanbaru, Desember 2007

Hati ini...

Ya, aku pernah mencintainya dengan sepenuh hatiku…
Aku pun pernah membencinya dengan segenap jiwaku…

Sekarang,
Semua itu hilang
Tiada beban
Tiada perasaan berlebihan
Kami hanya berteman
Berbagi pesan,
Kesan
Tanpa dendam

Ini terasa lebih menyenangkan…

Pekanbaru, November 2007