Boy Meets Girl --> Lovers

I've been in love with this guy for quite a while now. He's one of my oldest best friend. I've known him all my life. The thing is, I've had rejected him years ago, back when we were just teenagers. But now we're all grown ups.

Sometime around 2009 and 2010, I got these questions stuck in my head. If I met someone new, why do I keep comparing these new dudes with my best friend? It's weird. It's like he's all I ever wanted in a guy. But then again, I'm just too proud to admit it.

There are sooo many novels and romantic comedy about this situation, friends --> best friends --> lovers.

And this theme is my favorite theme for movies or novels that I watch or read. The problem is, knowing that most friendship between boys & girls will never be 'pure' friendship. I became more and more in denial about it.

But as I grew older, I tend to compromise. I thought, I'm nearly 25 y.o and still single with no wedding possibilities soon. While in Indonesia, my age is a common age when girls turned to be a wife. But actually I don't really give a damn about what people think, as long as I'm happy and my parents aren't forcing me to get married soon.

But the thing is, I've never been lucky in this department. I've always fallen for someone whose not having mutual feelings for me. It's like happening all the time. As I've said before, I don't fall in love easily. It can take months or even years to make me fall for a guy. But then again, I'm never lucky in this relationship thingy.

It has almost been a year that I've stopped my search and start building a better relationship with my best friend. It's not that I want to marry him right away. It's just I wanna make it possible for us to at least try, to make it work. Where ever it'll go.

So, if you read this, why don't you just ask me, and I would've said yes.
But if it's me whose gonna ask you, then it's gonna take more time, I need the courage to do so. It's not easy, and sometimes it hurts to miss you so bad.